Saturday, June 21, 2008

Losing hope

I stepped on the scale for my WI this morning knowing the hard work I put into this week hoping for a higher loss. 2.7 lbs, that's all I wanted. It's what I needed for five weeks to reach that 10% loss and the goal of hitting 252 by Saturday July 19. I wanted to go home and say, yeah, I lost 33 lbs. and I feel great!

I know now, it's not going to happen. I'm not going to make it. And that absolutely drives me crazy! I started watching sodium intake, drinking more water, almost becoming obsessed with it. I hopped on the scale every morning and even some nights. I think it's getting to the point that it's not healthy anymore. I should be ecstatic with a 2.2lbs loss! So why am I so disappointed? Why do I feel like such a complete failure?

And then I think about how I feel and I feel even more pathetic. When I'd have weeks where I'd only lose 0.4lbs at the beginning I wasn't exactly jumping for joy but I was satisfied. I was satisfied because low as it was I was still consistently losing weight. I got completely screwed up when I got my period this month though. I wonder if I hadn't retained so much water and had a o.6lbs gain would I still be where I am now? Would I have lost more? Sometimes I really hate being a girl!

And I know I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I'm not giving up, I'm not walking away, I'm not saying screw this because I haven't met my weekly goal. It's just a step right? And even if I'm late, it's better than never. And a little loss is better than no loss. I really hope I get over this hump of pity poor me real quick here. I hate feeling this pathetic more than anything.