Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Bi-polar Wednesday

So today started off pretty great. I talked my hubby into taking a day off and spending it with our son and I. We walked around Fort Edmonton Park for three hours (11AP for leisure walking!!!). I love visiting the Fort! I love being surrounded in the living history of it. I love walking through the houses and shops and wondering what kind of ghosts live there (literally and figuratively). I love the beauty of it all. And because of the extra long walk I allowed myself to indulge in a single scoop strawberry frozen yogurt....mmm...mmm....mmm!

Then I came home and found an e-mail from my aunt saying that she and my uncle would not be coming to my brother's wedding because of financial costs. Yeah I was disappointed, especially when right after she said they couldn't come she asked for mine and my brother's addresses to send invitations to her daughter's wedding in September. When I called my mom to get my brother's new address she told me that he'd talked to my dad a couple days ago and my dad said he didn't know if he'd be able to make it. In dad talk that's "I'm not coming." Our grandpa had back surgery last month and still isn't back to work so I'm pretty sure he isn't going to be able to come either, and he's the only one I can excuse.

I lost faith in my father years ago. My parents' divorce and his pulling a houdini when I was a kid was a huge factor in my becoming and staying overweight. The fat layer was a comfort zone. But if he bails on my brother's wedding he's basically dug his own grave. I don't see how my brother will ever forgive him, and I will never be able to even look at him the same. He's disappointed us for the last time. And you know what? It breaks my heart. All of it. It pisses me off and it breaks my heart and I just don't know what to do.