Arachno-fucker!

First off I must say I think I was a bit zealous, and not totally clear, about my exercise intentions. I discovered yesterday that there's no way in hell I'd be able to do a workout Tuesday nights and be up for 5 am on Wednesday. Reason being I have meetings that run until usually 9:30-10 ish pm. Now I know some of you are hardcore like that and will still do it, I however need wind down time after a work out to be able to sleep, and only after a low intensity workout. So there's all that, also Saturday and Sunday are my days off. I need days off. Next month when Tammy and I do our Shred off (ps if any of you would like to join just drop me an e-mail!!!) I will be working out the Shred only on the weekends, but this normally no way. My body needs to repair, those are my days.

On to the arachno-fucker!

Yesterday at work I encountered many of the evil bastards. The first one was easily destroyed, the second was the size of a hippo and had fangs bigger than Texas. I swear the fucker hissed at me! So I grabbed the broom and ninja swept his ginormous ass into a hole in the floor! Yeah! I was feelin pretty good until his rhino sized partner in crime crept up on me. Eyes glowing bright red, legs dancing and ready to spear me in the heart. I screamed and my wonderful hubby told me to suck it up. Which immediately earned him a death glare. My death rays must not be working because he completely ignored me, the bastard. So with the aid of the same spidey killing broom I swept his ass out from the corner and stomped him. I saw blood squirt everywhere but still felt the fucker crawling on me...which called for a well deserved cigarette!

Another of the fuckers came running toward me, front legs raised, ready to attack, so I stomped his ass too. One smaller one, I'd say the size of a gator, I was able to work around...very very carefully...but we laid out boundaries. I told him he was to stay in his corner and I'd stay in mine...and then he disappeared and I got the heebie jeebies.

Then I hear my husband. My sweet, wonderful, loving, dear husband. He yelled out something to me that I was unable to hear as the radio was nicely cranked. I said what? He yelled again...huh? Then he's behind me and he says, very loudly, "You should see the size of this spider!" I turn around and in his hands are 40 flying legs and giant bulgy eyes and fangs and disgustingness. I screamed, nearly threw my tape measure at hime (I regret not doing it) and ran. The ass hat laughed. A lot. The spider was a tree seed. Like poplar fuzz type shit.

I think I'll file this for reasons to divorce! Ha!