Tuesday, June 16, 2009

He's gone...

So yesterday I went on a roadtrip full of piss and vinegar and completely in confrontation mode and ready to break some noses...all to confront the guy I once thought was my best friend, that I caught shooting up in my bathroom. The bastard never came home. I spent the afternoon with his parents and ended up finding out far more things than I already knew about his lying and stealing. I was not impressed and by the end of the afternoon, when I had to be ready to go, I was violently shaking and even more pumped to see some blood fall. It didn't get to happen. So instead I left a lengthy, extremely nasty note on his bed.

I texted his mom this morning and asked her to call me or text and let me know when he made it back so I knew he was safe. I hate the cocksucking cuntface but I still care about him. Fucker. She called and said that he'd gotten in at about 11:30 last night and she told him that I had been there most of the afternoon. Apparently his Oma had woken up to a note and a missing M. I'm pretty sure that volatile letter I left is the reason he ran away. Which is kind of a stupid way to put it as he's 25 fucking years old...but that's what he did. In the end I'd basically told him to fuck off and go to hell, I was done listening to his bullshit lies and I was not going to allow him to manipulate me anymore.

He's gone and it's my fault. There's no way to get in contact with him as his cell was turned off, cuz he's lazy and refuses to stay awake for more than four hours a day to get a job. I'm going to have to assume he's not on the street and is safe and comfortable sleeping with his latest whore. We won't even get into that because that bitch is going to cost him his kid...ugh!

I feel completely unapologetic for saying what I did in that letter. But I feel like a piece of shit because he ran away because of me. If anything happens to him...fuck man it's on me. It's all on me.


Jack Sh*t, Gettin' Fit said...

It's not on you. Sounds like he's got a world of problems of his own making. Sometimes, try as you might, you just can't save people from themselves.

Tricia said...

It's not on you. He's an adult. He's making his own choices, no matter how bad. It's sad when you have to cut ties like this, but you did more than enough and you don't owe it to him to protect him when he would so clearly put your family in danger by doing things like that in your bathroom. He has to care enough about his own life to save it, and there's nothing you can do in the meantime but try to be strong and optimistic.

Sorry you have to go through this, it sucks.

Dina said...

It's not your fault at all. He is the one that left, he is the one that screwed up, he's the one that can't face his shit.

Sounds sucky, sorry.

Diana said...

No, if something happens to him, it's all on HIM, not you. He's making these poor choices in life, not you. Do NOT and I repeat...DO NOT beat yourself up over this.

The guy sounds like the biggest a-hole ever. I can tell he's hurt you deeply, and I'm so sorry. It truly sounds like you're better off without him in your life. Drugs are nothing to mess with and anyone that does, you don't need them around you and your child. You already know that, but I'm just reminding you.

Now go have yourself a good cry. I suspect you have already. You're going to be okay. :)

Val said...

It is NOT on you. He is 25 and capable of his own decisions, however poor they are. Don't blame yourself for his actions. Maybe this will be a push for him to get his stuff together, but regardless, please don't beat yourself up about it.

fatty McButter Pants said...

I really hate to break it to you, but you don't have that much power to MAKE him do anything. He is in the grips of his addiction.....really nothing you say or do is going to sway him one way or the other. Right now it's all about the dope.

Take it from a recovering addict...let him have some consequenses of his actions. I know when I started to get into trouble, it forced me to wake up. But it took a long time.

There is a reason why they call it DOPE! Don't take his craziness too's not about you.'s a tough thing to watch someone you care about spin out of control. I don't envy you one bit. Stay strong!

wildfluffysheep said...

Everyone else has said it and I think deep down I know you know its not your fault. IT isnt. *lovely hugs* It's a messed up situation and you won't stop worrying about him but it sounds best hes far from your life. He sounds like a whole bunch of negative a great lady like you doesn't need.