Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Fatty McFatty Pants...

Yup, that's me.

I'm shopping around for a bridesmaid dress. Ugh. I've found one that I feel like an absolute princess in but it's like $500. Yeah...for a dress I'll wear once...and it's more than I spent on MY WEDDING DRESS! There's one similar but less foofy and less...well not beaded at all by Alfred Angelo. It still has the tucked style skirt and the corset laced back (which I ADORE) so I'm leaning toward that one. I have to say though...what is it with dress designers? I mean really. If my jeans are 16/18 why the fuck do I need to get a size fucking 24 dress?! And then, because it's a one piece dress not a separate I need to alter the fuck out of top half of the dress. You have no idea. Women are not made straight up and down damn it. Here I'll show you what I mean.

That's what I look like in Paint. For real dude. My hips and ass really look like that. Although my boobs are way better than those. Anyway, thus my dilemma. Let the hip out 1.5 inches, take the waist in 4 inches, take the boob in 2 inches. It's all kinds of fucked. You have no idea how much I hate my body. At least I get to pick out my own dress. I can't wear dresses that are cut anywhere near the legs are disgusting. Oh...and dilemma number two. The wedding is in October. I'm not giving up on the whole weight loss thing so, should I order the size I'm in now? A size smaller? What should I do? Anytime you have to alter it just messes shit up. I had nothing but problems with the last bridesmaid dress I had ordered and had to alter. And that fucker was a two piece!

Last week I lost my nut. Just completely went off. Couldn't sleep, texted the person that caused me to lose it and completely flipped out on him. He was like what the fuck, I was all like "Fuck you, you fucking cuntface whore I'm so fucking pissed I just want to break your fucking nose you fucking fuck!" For reals yo. I've gotten in touch with my violent side this week. She wants to kick some ass. I told hubby I should take some kickboxing classes and get the full use of a punching bag so that when I finally do physically go off on someone I don't lose control and kill them. I have a feeling one day I just....I'll lose control. It kind of scares me.

As for the weight loss...well...bumped up to level two of the Shred yesterday. My arm strength is for shit so this is definitely harder for me.'ll get me what I want in the end right? Eating...blah. I've been loading up on ice cream and candy and all kinds of starchy goodness. Just hope I break even this week.


big_mummy said...

haha you crack me up... i actually went off at my hubby like that yesterday when he asked me if my period was due. it is, but he can get fucked.
couldnt you wait a little longer before ordering the dress and then just try and maintain when its there?

Valerie Roberson said...

Dress sizes are so MIL in was supposed to get remarried this June, and when her douchbag of a fiancee ran off, literally my first thought was "Thank God I don't have to buy that dress!" How pathetic is that?

and your lil paint person!

Good luck with the eating!

Diana said...

Oh sweetie, that Paint picture, you seriously DO NOT look like that. If you really did, you would be in a freak show and obviously your not.

I have the same screwed up mental picture of myself too. We're both pathetic. I think we might have self-esteem issues...hmmm...what do you think?

The dress, don't buy the $500 dress. Buy it later after you've lost a few more pounds. You be able to find something and it's only something you'll wear once. It's not like it's YOUR wedding.

I like how you're so honest about your anger. I need to let lose like that sometimes. Actually, if you ask my husband he'll say I do. You just verbalize it so much better than me.

Hope you're having a great weekend!