Goodbye delicious demons...

Today I said ciao to the remainder of my binge eating. The last of the mini cadbury cream eggs went to work with my husband, I knew I'd have finished them if they stuck around. My major sin though, has been the mini caramilk eggs. There's just been something about the caramel lately...

Anyway, WI this morning was ok. I lost two pounds even, however, with last week's gain that makes my loss in the past three weeks a total of 0.2, which is pretty damned pathetic for how much I've been working out. I know I know I shouldn't do this and I'm one of the ones that'll go onto your blog and say, hey man, a loss is a loss! I know this, I'm just disappointed in myself for indulging sooooo badly in my PMS cravings that I'd basically sabotaged myself. I've gotten into a pretty good routine with the workouts and all of a sudden it's like an excuse for not tracking, not really eating well either, because hey, the calories I've burned working out will cover that, right? Maybe so, but it isn't worth it.

So yesterday I went to the store and loaded up on fruits and veggies, salad mixes with extra baby spinach, tomatoes, carrots, etc. I got myself some fat free turkey breast for lunches and lots and lots of yogurt! I've tried some of the new Activia ones with the cereal and muesli in it. It's alright, but I think what I'm going to do is just buy some granola and add it to my yogurt. It stays crunchy and delish that way. Although I must say, the apple chunks in the Activia yogurt...omg....so good!

Oh! I took my measurements today, in three weeks I've lost another inch and a half overall. I don't know how good that is, but it's good enough for me. :) I hope all you bloggers out there are having a wonderful weekend!

Being a woman...

Sucks. I'm cramping to the point of tears, all I want to do is curl up on the couch and cry. I want to pop some drugs and sleep through it. But here I am...and all I can think is, not working out is NOT an option. Regardless of how much it's hurting me, I can't not workout.

Sweet jesus somebody help me. I know I have to do it....oh....and I need to STOP EATING!!!! I try so hard every day. I wake up with the same shit going through my head. I'm going to workout, I'm going to eat right and track everything...

Dun dun duuuuuuuun.....

I'll be lucky if I STS this week. I'm so disgusted with myself.

Meh...

Up 1.8 this week....meh. It's better than I thought it would be, far better even. Especially when I'd peek at the scale earlier in the week and see 3-4 lb gains. I'm kind of enjoying my two days off from working out, but really kind of missing the movement too! I'm looking forward to popping in my strip to fit vid tomorrow and working my ass off hardcore! I hope to see a 3 lb loss this week, to cover what I gained and then some. I feel like I only really lose weight 2 weeks out of 4. One week is PMS....water retention and a complete lack of self control (I know I have to get it under control one day!). The next week is making up the ground I lost during PMS week. Le sigh.

Yesterday was my son's fifth birthday party (his actual birthday is tomorrow). I can't believe he's growing up so quickly! He'll start school this fall and I am just terrified. Six year olds are now pushing drugs, well in my neighborhood anyway, and in general....kids are fucking mean. My son was blessed with his daddy's metabolism and body structure. Tall and strong and of course lean. I, however, remember wanting to curl up and die every day because of the evil kids around me. I don't want my son to ever know that. I don't want him to know how much it hurts. I also don't want him to be someone that inflicts that kind of pain. I need to start talking to him now about so so many things.

Sorry this blog is going to be short and not necessarily sweet....my mind is kind of all over the place. Oh, before I run though...I had to bake a cake for my son. At first he was saying ice cream cake, then the night before he wanted a regular chocolate cake with spiderman. I've baked cakes before, round cakes even, this should be no problem right? Ha! I've only owned one of the big rectangular cake pans so I bought myself a round one. Looked at the back of the cake mix box and saw that both round cake options were two of. Here I'm thinking....why the fuck do I need to make two? I don't want to layer that shit....fuck it....one big fat round cake coming up!

Twenty-nine minutes later I discovered why I can't get away with making one big fat round cake. I tried pulling it out to check the center and the bastard jiggled. A fucking lot. Like Homer Simpson's belly. Okay shit, so what do I do? I turned down the heat and let it cook for another 20 minutes...more solid when I pulled it out this time but still kind of thick puddingy in the center...back in the oven for another 15. And finally we're done! The cake actually didn't turn out bad at all. But hey, now I know to invest in another round cake pan. Fucking round cakes.

2.8 steps forward 3.2 steps back...

I know I shouldn't be peeking on the scale before my official WI but I did. And this week has been the food week from hell. I'm ridin the ol' PMS roller coaster and eating everything in sight. And I mean EVERYTHING! Seriously...see that pile of wooden scraps over there? Used to be a table...I ate half of it.

On the other hand I'm uber proud of myself for keeping up and keepin on with my exercise. I've upped my time by 20 minutes and have kept on even when I didn't want to. Exercise has been my biggest demon and the exorcism has begun! Heh...exercise/exorcise....get it? Shoosh...I'm funny :oP

Let's hope I can stop eating and at least STS at WI on Saturday. I don't see it happening...but here's hoping.

Woohoo!

Down 2.8 lbs this week! Thanks for all your support guys!

Swimsuit...dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuun

I'm going to have to skip my weekly post tomorrow as I'll be out of town for a wedding (woohoo!). I was told to print out a blog of why marriages fail and hand it out to the guests, I think I'll skip that, but I was sorely tempted. But with the out of town wedding comes a hotel stay, with pool access. I'd made a swim date with my sister in law and nephew and had completely forgotten about it until recently.

It's been some time since I've been swimming, but I'm pretty sure my last swimsuit was like a 20/22 or something close to it, possibly bigger. Don't know, don't know that I really care to double check. However, I do know that I've lost quite a bit of weight since I last wore that suit. My husband did something that I wasn't expecting, or even hoping for, he MADE me go buy a new swimsuit. We don't really have the money for it right now, but he told me that I'd worked really hard to get where I am and that I deserve to have a suit that I like, and that fits properly.

Most people would find that really sweet, and it is, in theory. However I don't like swimsuits, and I hate trying on clothes in general. I know I should be happy doing it because I can see in the sizes how much I've lost...but I still look in the mirror and cringe. I wonder if that fear and hatred of shopping for clothing will change once I hit and maintain my goal? I hope so. I know I sure love shopping for shoes and purses!

ANYWAY! This meant I had to drive around the city to multiple stores before I could find something I liked. And something that fit. And those two don't always coincide. More often than not that's just the way it is.

A hundred and sixty dollars later and I left almost happy with one of the nicest suits I've ever owned. I'll drop a pic of it on here. What made me uber happy though....it's a size 16. The first bikini I ever owned was a size 16...and I think I turned 16 the year I got it. I'm ecstatic. Really. I mean...my legs still scream "Woohoo Cellulite!", my thighs are still jiggly and disgusting, but I don't care. I have a swimsuit that fits...in a size 16. And it's super cute. A little skirt type bottom (really short skirt type), and a bandeau/tankini style top. I love it.

Did I mention it's a size 16?

PS: I'll drop on for a moment tomorrow morning before I leave and post my loss for the week. Wish me luck!