Fuck that diet yo!

Ok so last week was messed up. I kept saying, "Today I'm going to stay within my points." I tried...epic fail. Fajitas two nights in a row, unbaked tortilla chips with delicious bean dip (aka skillet queso at Chili's), ice cream. Just...fail.

So I told myself, look dillhole you wanna be under 200 when you go to your mom's wedding, so fucking get your lazy fat fucking ass in gear! I was set to start kicking ass starting yesterday after WI. After stepping on the scale and seeing a much undeserved 3.8 lbs loss (bringing me to a total of 72 lbs lost!!!) it just pushed me forward. Well maybe not enough. We went to the in law's to watch the fights last night. Lots of fun, but these guys aren't dieters. I knew we were supposed to be ordering pizza so I brought a spinach salad (yummy) and kept the points down over the morning and afternoon so I could indulge in one or two pieces without feeling guilty then load up on the delish spinach salad.

Epic epic fail.

I had four pieces. FAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIILLLL!!!

I also had snacked on some chips and salsa, also unbaked. Ugh.

However, I've got all week to work that shit off.

When I first set my little mini goal it was for me to WI at 200. If I was under even better, but goal was 200. Since the sweet loss last week I've upped it by only five lbs. I want to be at 195 (a number I haven't seen since I was probably four. Ok maybe not but still...it's been forever!). In order to do that I need to lose 17.8 lbs with the final WI being October 3. I need to lose 1.5 lbs a week. Actually a teensy bit less but whatever. Rounding up.

Since I haven't seen my family or friends back home, nor have I told most of them about my weight loss (as I totally would have jinxed myself), I can't wait to show up and just be like...hells yeah bitches, check me out! Although if my mother points out to me again that she's a tiny 125 lbs I'll have to send her down the aisle covered in bruises (there's your something blue bitch!...seriously I love my mom).

As I'm working only casually now, no more weekends slinging biker gear for me (ok well today and August long), I definitely need to get my butt back into workout mode. You don't realize how even two days of running your ass off in a store helps in the WL area. It sure does though. So I think if I set myself up for working out Mon-Fri, when I haven't worked out regularly in weeks, I'll completely fail again. So Mon, Tues, Thurs, and Fri it is. Then I'll bring in Wednesday after a few weeks. I'm also getting back in the habit of tracking tracking tracking!!!

No more free days either. They weren't free for alls, more like a guiltless Saturday. No more. That shit is getting tracked, and if it doesn't fit, no yummies for me.

On another note, the smartmouthed, freakishly funny Carlos once told me that we need to start seeing ourselves through loving eyes. I totally agree. And I finally figured out that this is why I always ask WHY. I have a few male friends that find me attractive. I look in the mirror, tell them they're absolutely insane...or blind, then give them the finger. I appreciate the sentiment but heartily refuse to believe it. I've been asking why though for years. A lot of men think it's me being egotistical or...I don't know...something not right, not good, whatever. I figured out it's because I'm aching to see myself through their eyes. Maybe if I see myself through their eyes, I'll start to believe them. I'll start to see it too...I just don't understand why, and I need to.

Anyway...there's my shit for the day :)