Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Can I get a refund?

So yesterday I was all, can't wait to get back to blogging, I've got goals again, got motivation, I'm ready to rock this shit.

And then I got sham wowed by a shit ton of bricks. And they weren't all amazing and cool like the actual sham wow.

I was up until midnight crying. I woke up nearly in tears. I've spent my day not wanting to eat and then having a bite and pretty well binging. I hate that I'm an emotional eater. I hate that I'm emotional. Can I just be dead inside? Will that work?

I want to eat everything, but I don't want to eat at all. I want to do some retail therapy but am so far in debt and so low on cash I wouldn't be able to do it at the dollar store.

Truly what I want to do is go back home. I miss being happy. I miss smiling and laughing. I need a hug. A real one. I need a hug that squeezes and comforts and pulls all the pain out.

I'll probably be back at some point, maybe even post some of those pics from the happy trip....however...I can't say when. It was hard enough for me to write this. I'm isolating again. Trust me, it's better for all of you.

Best of luck and hope your lives are going better than mine!


Carissa said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time right now :(. I don't know what exactly you're going through, but be strong. Take time to heal and re-focus. You can and will get through this!

Fat Daddy said...

I am so sorry to hear of your struggle. I hope you find your way out of this hole. Blogging is not important in the big pic. Taking care of yourself is.

Diana said...

Amber, what is wrong?! This isn't like you at all. You always spill your guts and now you're not saying anything. I really hope you're okay and just pms'ing or something (God, I sound like a guy...and not in a good way!).

My advice is to keep blogging. I've almost quit myself, for real, about a dozen times in the last three weeks. Even had my mouse pointed to the delete blog button.

Somehow, and I'm not sure how, but posting about my shitty life in a blog helps me work it out. I write it out, a few people leave really thoughtful comments, and then I feel better. I know it's crazy, but I think it might help you too.

Don't isolate yourself. That's absolutely the worse thing you can do when things are going rough. Shutting down, holding it all in isn't a good choice.

And if I was there Amber, I'd give you hug that would just squeeze the sadness right out of you. :)

Hang in there kid!

wildfluffysheep said...

No refunds here!

I'm an emotional eater too girly and you knows it. it would not be better to be dead inside. NOT ONE BIT.

oh babes if i could hug you i would. and practically squeeze the life outta ya! <3 im at home right now and i dont want to leave. ive enjoyed it so much.

dont you dare go quiet for too long cause il come hunt you down!