Still swimming, sort of

I could use a couple life buoy thingies though.

Down 1 lbs.

Meh.

Rock bottom

For those of you that say god can't give you more than you can handle...you're wrong.

I've cancelled my WW online subscription. I'm on my own.

Wiscofest 2010

I didn't take a shit ton of pictures, only nearly 200, and in two weeks that's pretty little. I'd like to share my trip in pictures! Enjoy :)



This is my best bud Zack and his puppy Karma. Zack is beautiful and is a musician. Yum.



This is my brother in law, KC. Love him, but oh boy did I want to bitch slap him...many many times.



Zack after a few drinks. Self explanatory.



My nephew, Keaton. Isn't he beautimous?



Keaton was not happy.



Keaton unhappy again, with my beautiful sister Jenn!



A whole shitload of turkeys. I actually hit a turkey once, in my first car. My car tapped his ass. Yes I know how fucking dirty that sounds you gutter brains!



What do you think? Time for a haircut? I agree!!!



I love my cousin. And her hands. She works magic!



That's WHAT?!



That's the cousin, Jenny Mae, she does not look impressed.



Almost but not quite there, haven't finished the cut or colored yet.



Ignore my face, CHECK OUT MY HAIR!!! It has been years since I've chopped that much hair off. Feels pretty great!



Check it out! You can see the tatty. It's an angle cut, I heart it.



This is my mum and my baby bro. Yeah he's taller than me too. Even when I'm in heels.



My baby bro and his very beautiful, very prego wife. She should pop any freakin day now. I know it's not a great pic but my camera was being a cock that day.



Jenn hates pics when she's not all gussied. This is her gettin ready to FINALLY get our matching tatt...and our awesome artist, Brandon.



Outline? Check! Look familiar?



I love this beautiful type of art.



And after two and a half years, we finally match!



This is my friend Heather, we hadn't seen each other in twelve years before this night, and it was like we'd never stopped talking! PS: Always have to have a before picture...as in before I got so tanked I tried dancing on the bar but couldn't get myself higher than the chair.



Me and my girl Beanie. Yes I was well on the way to WOOHOO by this point!



My girl Krissy's bro Alex. Can you see the look in my eyes? It says "I'm drunk and sexy and you can't touch this, unless I say okay...okay."



Karissa. She's a homophobe. So I kissed her cheek. She cringed. It was funny as hell.



Krissy's rockin out! This was AFTER our little karaoke stint. Oh yeah didn't I mention that? We rocked some No Doubt and Aretha Franklin. We're cool like that.



Do you see it now? Do you see the drunken Amber?



The after picture...but before the chair dancing.



This was after the chair dancing. I'm pretty sure she's holding me up.



And the final jagerbomb of the night. Here's to a great group of ladies I say!

The End.

3.4

That's better than the 7 I was betting on I guess. Still put me back to a place I don't want to be. I've started working out again, not that two whole days in a row is cause for celebration, but it's a start. I'm screaming at myself to get back to tracking, but I don't want to be that accountable. That stops today, breakfast...string cheese. Just one.

This has been a shitty week. I wouldn't be so dramatic as to say the worst of my life, but it's pretty up there.

Minus 2

And no I do not mean pounds. It appears in my downside I've lost two followers. To that I say...fuck, whatever. I started this blog for me. I didn't search for others to follow and comment, I searched for others to inspire me, and for which I could comment and encourage them. I'll admit seeing the follower number drop it stings a bit, but only for a second, because this was never about anyone else.

I hope today finds you all well, and finds me less stuffing of face.

shame

Since Tuesday morning I have polished off 9 chocolate covered cherries, two bags of chocolate turtle chex mix, 1 bag of baked tostitos, a cinnamon roll...a big one, and this is just the snackies. Some of the snackies. I know there were more. Tons of string cheese.

I'm going to weigh in on Saturday and I'll be surprised if I don't see a 7 lbs gain since my last weigh in. I will be surprised, and damn lucky. I need to stop this shit. I don't know how I ended up back here. I DO NOT WANT TO BE 285 LBS AGAIN!!!

Can I get a refund?

So yesterday I was all, can't wait to get back to blogging, I've got goals again, got motivation, I'm ready to rock this shit.

And then I got sham wowed by a shit ton of bricks. And they weren't all amazing and cool like the actual sham wow.

I was up until midnight crying. I woke up nearly in tears. I've spent my day not wanting to eat and then having a bite and pretty well binging. I hate that I'm an emotional eater. I hate that I'm emotional. Can I just be dead inside? Will that work?

I want to eat everything, but I don't want to eat at all. I want to do some retail therapy but am so far in debt and so low on cash I wouldn't be able to do it at the dollar store.

Truly what I want to do is go back home. I miss being happy. I miss smiling and laughing. I need a hug. A real one. I need a hug that squeezes and comforts and pulls all the pain out.

I'll probably be back at some point, maybe even post some of those pics from the happy trip....however...I can't say when. It was hard enough for me to write this. I'm isolating again. Trust me, it's better for all of you.

Best of luck and hope your lives are going better than mine!

Hello?

Anybody out there still? Anyone remember who I am?

I'm back!!!! I've been a horrible holiday blogger, both reading and posting, but I'm here now, and ready to get back into the groove of things....mostly. I hate Canada.

Will post a good'n later!

Eventually I'll catch up

For now though I'm happy to say I finally made it into Wisconsin...at 11 pm. Yeah...that three hour layover in Minneapolis turned into two...then to eight. I didn't get to bed until 2 am when we finally drove up to the house in Merrill. Needless to say being awake for 40 some odd hours and gettin gut rot from espresso and red bull...but meeting some wicked people at the airport...it was a loooong fucking day yesterday.

Hope you're all well!

It's gonna be a long fucking day...

Finally tried to get to bed at midnight, not ten minutes later Tony's up and puking. Then puked about every 45 min- 1 hour there after. No sleep for me.

Fuckity.