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Monday, July 12, 2010

a whoppin -.04

Yup, that's it. So much for water retention. I guess I really did eat about five million calories a day for four days. Fuck me.

I know, I KNOW, the only way I'm getting out of this slump is to get off my ass. But really guys, the idea of crawling out of bed an hour earlier than normal just isn't very tempting. Especially when I'm still so freakin exhausted every morning and evening as it is. When am I going to stop being so tired?!

I'm starting to fall into a deeper depression when it comes to my weight. I don't think I've given up, but I sure as hell feel like I have. And that makes me feel stupid, pathetic. Maybe it's time I talk to hubby about getting back on WW now that I'm bringing in a steady paycheck. I know he's not too happy about me spending money that doesn't "need" to be spent...but I think my not being at goal yet, and completely controlling my mood, makes it a necessity. Because to be this much smaller than where I started, but to still look in the mirror and not only still hate what I see, but be EVEN MORE disgusted....it's not right.

I wish I could be proud of the previous losses I've had. In total I'm sure I've lost over 100 lbs (and gained a good portion back, love that roller coaster), I should be proud of myself, even if I've mostly just maintained within 10 lbs of my lowest, but I'm not. Not even a little. So this teeny loss has put me back to like 71 lbs lost, blech. It's nothing. And now I see other bloggers, one in particular, who's lost 100 lbs in 7 months. I'm so proud of her, and very very happy for her, but so very very jealous too. I KNOW she's worked her ass off, much harder than I have the past few months, but I remember working my ass off too, and definitely NOT looking as fabulous as she does.

I know this reads very much like a big ol' pity party. I don't want to be that person. But I guess this is what has needed to come out. Until this little pity post, I've really had nothing to say. I don't like being that blah pathetic blogger. Maybe I need to before I can be someone better again.

6 comments:

Diana said...

Hmmm...you sound just like me. I've lost 70+ but I've been stuck for years (two to be exact). So frustrating, and I'm not happy where I am.

Right now I'm listening to Oprah and Geneen Roth on Women Food and God or some such stupid title. What a bunch of bullshit. Eat until you're full, don't weigh or measure your food, don't count calories. Let yourself enjoy food, you can control it. Eat when you want and what you want. That is a recipe for disaster. Oprah has lost her mind if she's really buying into this stuff.

Anyway, get back on Weight Watchers. You're like me, we need control and help. Can't do this on our own. I haven't been to a meeting in over a month. And I gained six pounds. Nice.

And no, your not off my blog list. I have high hopes for you. I knew you'd come back. Sooner or later. :)

Hang in there sister friend!

Tammy said...

I am so happy to see you blogging, my bloggin' friend!

I think the fact that you haven't gained back a crapload of weight is proof you haven't given up. We all know how easy that is to do!

You need to get back on the wagon, lady...especially if you want my ass visiting you this summer! I want that girl who's been exercising and feels good about herself workin out and eating right when I come there, dammit! :)

Blossom said...

It sounds like it IS money that needs to be spent, so you'll feel better about yourself. i don't think he would begrudge you that.

F. McButter Pants said...

You were so scared when you had to quit WW. It is money well spent if it makes you feel better. I say SPEND IT!

So glad you are blogging about it.

arielcircleofnine said...

I sent you an email girlie

Wesley said...

Hey there!

I ran across your blog at my best friends blog, exhotgirl. I agree with Tammy... the fact that you haven't gained back a ton of weight is absolute proof that you haven't given up. All you need to do is get your head back in the game, and if that means spending money on WW, do it. I'm cutting carbs to lose weight, and that definitely isn't cheap, never was, and never will be. But I had to give up other things and do a little re-budgeting in order to keep myself from using the "I can't afford it" excuse.

And just think about how much better you'll feel when you can post a -4.0!!

Good luck and great GREAT blog! I'm following and blog rolling girl!

Wesley
www.gayweigh.blogspot.com