lame

Happy birthday to me, I gained nearly two pounds. I blame it on PMS.

early WI

Hey y'all, so I'm out of town this weekend camping, so I figured early WI would be better than late.

I'm very happy with my week's loss! I weighed in at 211.6, which means a sweet 3.8 lbs loss! Hells yes! Wish me luck for next week guys, I would like to see the underside of 200 in at least two months (but hopefully much sooner than that).

Good Morning Vietnam! ....and Canada and America, etc etc

Last night I stepped on the scale and saw a whopping 217.4. Dude! Yes Yes I know, I shouldn't be weighing myself morning and night but I do, always have. So as soon as hubby made it up the stairs I told him that he could forget about waiting til I get paid to rejoin WW. This morning it was happening, period. After the official WI this morning (a lame ass 215.4, 1 lbs GAIN) I did just that. But at 5 am, before click click clicking at the computer to get my ass back into the WW wagon, I started the coffee, got myself a big glass of ice water, and reaquainted myself with Bob and the BL gang via the bootcamp.

I'm officially 100% back my friends. I never gave up, trust me if I had I'd be up to at least 250 by now, but there's no more half assing it. No more watching what I eat, as it airplanes into my mouth. No more saying "I feel like I'm ALMOST ready to start working out again." This is it.

I think I needed the pseudo break though. I think I really needed to remember how frustrating a lack of weight loss is, how shitty I've felt looking in the mirror. Now, even a 1 lbs loss, which I'd better see next week y'all, will be so much more appreciated and celebrated.

This morning I raise my steamy hot delicious mug of coffee to you, all my blogger buddies, for not giving up on me. Here's to you, and to me, and to everyone out there that's struggling on this journey with us. Here's to yet another new beginning.

a whoppin -.04

Yup, that's it. So much for water retention. I guess I really did eat about five million calories a day for four days. Fuck me.

I know, I KNOW, the only way I'm getting out of this slump is to get off my ass. But really guys, the idea of crawling out of bed an hour earlier than normal just isn't very tempting. Especially when I'm still so freakin exhausted every morning and evening as it is. When am I going to stop being so tired?!

I'm starting to fall into a deeper depression when it comes to my weight. I don't think I've given up, but I sure as hell feel like I have. And that makes me feel stupid, pathetic. Maybe it's time I talk to hubby about getting back on WW now that I'm bringing in a steady paycheck. I know he's not too happy about me spending money that doesn't "need" to be spent...but I think my not being at goal yet, and completely controlling my mood, makes it a necessity. Because to be this much smaller than where I started, but to still look in the mirror and not only still hate what I see, but be EVEN MORE disgusted....it's not right.

I wish I could be proud of the previous losses I've had. In total I'm sure I've lost over 100 lbs (and gained a good portion back, love that roller coaster), I should be proud of myself, even if I've mostly just maintained within 10 lbs of my lowest, but I'm not. Not even a little. So this teeny loss has put me back to like 71 lbs lost, blech. It's nothing. And now I see other bloggers, one in particular, who's lost 100 lbs in 7 months. I'm so proud of her, and very very happy for her, but so very very jealous too. I KNOW she's worked her ass off, much harder than I have the past few months, but I remember working my ass off too, and definitely NOT looking as fabulous as she does.

I know this reads very much like a big ol' pity party. I don't want to be that person. But I guess this is what has needed to come out. Until this little pity post, I've really had nothing to say. I don't like being that blah pathetic blogger. Maybe I need to before I can be someone better again.

WI

Down a teeny 1.2 this week from the huge gain in WI. I huffed about it for a minute then realized why...it's also PMS week. AKA water retention week. Hence the very slight loss after eating waaaaaaaaaaay less than the week or two before.

Ya know guys? I misses yas. Hope you're all doing better than me :oP