Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Figgered I should update...

My pants are getting tighter.

I wake up with good intentions. Small breakfast, small lunch. Then snacking, all day. I ate half a dozen triple chocolate cookies today. And nachos. I'm fucking stupid.

It would appear that I've given up. I haven't. Doesn't mean that I'm really trying my hardest though. Doesn't mean I'm not trying at all either.

On the plus side I've started working out again. On the negative, it's barely there intensity.

Why am I doing all the shit I know I shouldn't be? Why am I not doing the shit I know I should? I mean really, I looked at the cookies as I was putting them into my mouth and completely berated myself. Did it stop me? Nope.

What the hell.


Alexia said...

I could write a book about self destructive eating. The people at the Chinese restaurant use to know what I'm going to order when I walked on!

Good grief. Whenever I want something terribly fattening and heart clogging to eat, I remind myself of a photo of me taken last summer and how I cringed when I saw it because I didn't like how fat I was. Yep, that motivates me and that's why I didn't order Chinese food this weekend. I bet they miss my service.

Jer said...

You're not fucking stupid. You're not stupid at all- you're fighting the same battle that we all fight every day. It's not easy. Making these choices and losing the weight is horrible and I wouldn't wish it...well, I would wish it on my worst enemy but still. It's not an easy journey and it takes a lot of work. It's easy to wax and wane.

You CAN do this. You have done it. Find some power music, put it on an iPod and kick your ass. Look at some skinny bitch at the gym and then think about yourself being that skinny bitch. Think about how much better you'll feel, how much longer you'll live and go for it. You'll get there- everybody is entitled to a bad day.

arielcircleofnine said...

been there right where you are for like 2 months hon!!! each day, I I actually WAS. But hey Im not working out even at low intensity. First, give yourself some credit where credit is due. Maybe small baby can get it back!

Vic said...

I have been here, and it is frustrating, you have to draw a line in the sand and get over yourself and kick your own ass back into gear. Good luck, its all easier said than done.
Hence the fact I have been 97 kilos for a very freakin long time.

Diana said...

Amber, I so understand. I've lived exactly what you're talking about. Been there done that...many, many times.

All I can say is it will pass. One day you'll wake up and go "this is the day!". I hope that day is tomorrow. :)

Tricia said...

We all know what we're doing to ourselves and still, we all do it. It's not about knowing it's right or wrong, it's about making yourself do the right thing. It's just fucking hard. It's hard to do something you hate. But at least you're working out...maybe it'll give you some positive momentum and more stuff will fall into place. Hang in there, kid. One day it'll all work out...if you make it :)

Candice said...

I hear ya. Currently working on fitting back into all of my jeans COMFORTABLY. they fit mow, they just look painted on. Not cool.

Goo luck to us both!

wildfluffysheep said...

*kicks your arse*

*smacks your snacky hands*

ive been snacky too. but not so much with the working out to accompanying.

get back on track my lovely.
rooting for you.