For a special girl I know...

There's this girl I know, that told me not so very long ago that she was giving up. That she HAD given up. I can't let that be ok. Why? Because I'm there hon. I've walked that line. My stats seem pretty great. Sort of. I just took a look at a bit of my past on this blogger thing.

My first post was on June 12/2008. I was ten weeks into my journey, not very long at all. I had lost 20 lbs by that point. Not too shabby eh? January 10/2009 I weighed in at 237. My most recent WI has me at 209. Giving me a loss of only 28 lbs. For a whole year! That's all I've done?! If that isn't enough to get me to give up, I sure don't know what is. Let's take a look at some pictoral progress...

This was taken sometime in the summer of 2007. And stupid me, I thought I was kinda cute.



This was Jan. of 2008, a couple months before I decided it was time. I'll let you know now, I don't take full body pictures. If I manage to find any for this post...you'll be lucky.



This was taken at my little brother's wedding, July 26/2008.



This was taken October of 2008. I don't remember the occasion, but I thought I was cute.




Feb 2009, look at my fat face




March of 2009...real attractive.



June 28/2009...this is why I don't take pictures unless hair and makeup is done. Seriously.



August of 2009, first time I ever saw a picture of me taken by someone else where I didn't have three chins!



Oct 2009



Halloween 2009, also the first time I ever left the house (ever in my life) in a dress this short...



And finally my most recent...this was taken on Christmas eve...



And that's it my friends. Does it look like anything special? Hell no. Nearly two fucking years and I've lost a whopping 75 lbs. And gained god knows how much because I'm not a nazi. I'm on a roller coaster. Insert a big le sigh here.

Now I knew then that it was going to take time. I figured 18 months tops to be at goal. If I knew then that nearly two years down I wouldn't even have seen the underside of 200 would I have kept going? Would I even have started?

Yeah...I think I would. It would have been a lot harder to handle. But 2010 finds me a much healthier, far more active girl. It's a long road, but it's worth every hurdle, every back slide and every fucking struggle to get back on the right path. Because now it doesn't kill me to run with my kid..well mostly. But I can walk straighter, keep my head a bit higher, I can actually feel like I've accomplished something. I can breathe better, sleep better, sit better...everything.

It's worth it girl. Never give up. We're in this for the long haul. I hope not so long for you as it has been for me...but even if it is, it'll be worth it, and I'll be right here with you.

Tagged!

And I'm not talking about that beautiful grafiti on the side of a train, I mean this chick Julia decided she wanted to know the top ten things that make me happy. Funny enough, a lot of them coincide with hers!

1. My son. Come on now, y'all had to see that coming. Without him my life would have no meaning.

2. Singing. No lie. I used to sing really well, in choir, did solo ensemble, all that shit. I can't sing for shit now but I don't care. I loooooove to sing. And I generally sing to either match or alter my mood. Music is hugely influential in my life, especially emotionally.

3. Being home and smelling the rain. This may sound weird to you but it makes perfect sense to me. I was born in Texas, raised in Wisconsin, and spent every summer until my 17th in Texas with my grandparents. I've smelled the rain in both of these states and as alike as rain should smell, somehow the scent of it on concrete always brings me back to Texas. The scent of a wet grass and tress and I'm right back in Wisconsin. It's peace and beauty to me.

4. Spending time with my "sister". Yeah yeah quotes, blah. She's not blood. She's chosen. And she represents everything that defines a sister to me. We can sit and not speak a word to each other, and be ok with it. We can get into a heated debate and argue for hours, smoking and drinking coffee, and end the argument laughing. She's my best friend. I love her.

5. Hitting concerts. Self explanatory really. If you haven't experienced, or haven't paid attention, to the atmosphere of an amazing show, I dare you to. Stand at a show and FEEL it. Don't just listen, don't just be part of the herd, FEEL it. It will change your life. I promise.

6. Watching tornado movies with my son. He's just as into them as I am now, only he hasn't experienced one yet. This summer we'll be heading to Texas for a week, either it's going to scare the shit out of him or he'll want to move to Tornado Alley and chase storms when he grows up!

7. Listening to my son sing. I pray that he has my (or what I had anyway) talent, and that he uses it to his full ability. He is only five and has a wonderful appreciation of music. Let's hope it sticks!

8. Like Julia, I love the sun! People give me shit for moving to Canada and now I give my hubby shit for not moving us to Texas. I'm telling you, I have setbacks every winter because of a lack of sunlight. With the cold and snow and gloom...I just want to curl up and hibernate. I was probably a bear in a past life.

9. I love to laugh. I haven't laughed enough lately. I miss home. I laugh so much when I'm back with my family and friends in Wisconsin.

10. Love. And it doesn't have to be a romantic love. This is one of the reason bitches hate me and men misunderstand me. I can love you, and tell you I love you, without wanting to fuck you. Get it? But yeah, I love love. I love caring for someone and knowing they care about me. I love giving all of myself, the only thing I fear is getting burned. But...it only makes you stronger right?

Anyway. Here's my list. Now apparently I'm supposed to tag 10 more people or some shit, but I won't. Yeah I'ma cop out. Think about how happy it might make you to post and think about what MAKES you happy though...sometimes that's all it takes to put a smile on your grouch ass face.

<3

Wow!

Just finished my first bootcamp workout. Let me tell you, during the workout it didn't seem so bad, during cooldown it all hit me. I'm hot, sweaty, and ready to shower then die, it was FREAKING AWESOME!

I love you Tammy! haha

down

So WI was okay today, down 1.6, dropping the water weight and taking me back to the previous week plus an extra .2 down. Not bad considering the amount of boozeage and lack of exercise this week.

I'm back on track today though, woke up and did a boxing day workout. I think I'm going to try the bootcamp, mix it up a bit. Pretty safe to say I failed the Shred off. December was a stupid month to try. Tammy agrees!

There is another blogger out there who's struggling, A LOT! She says she's given up, but I'm hoping I can help her. I'll be posting a blog up here pretty soon for her, but no, I'm not going to out her so you'll just have to deal with that. :P

I hope everyone had a wicked Christmas! Santa brought me tix to see the Crue, I must have been a good girl!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

So food? Bad. Shred? Ok. Current WI. Up 1.4 from the 3 lbs loss from last week. So I'm less than half a pound from 75 lost...yet again. Oh yes I do love that roller coaster. However I'm chalking 3/4 of the gain to bad eating, 1/4 to PMS and water retention doom. Oh well.

Today I skipped a second day of Shredding. I was busy aaaaaall day, finally got home at 9 pm after hours of shopping, and hubby and kidlet took over the telly to watch the hockey game. It's now 20 after 11 and there's no way I'm gonna try it y'all. I'm sorry, call me a failure, I don't give no fuck. I'm too tired and sore to push myself tonight.

Also, I'm bored. Like so very very bored with the Shred. I don't think that physically I should be moving up to level three tomorrow morning, but I think I just may have to, otherwise I'm going to give up on the Shred and move on to other things. Like the wicked awesome bootcamp that I've yet to try (that the totally wicked awesome Tammy sent me for Christmas--what a doll!!!). So yesterday I skipped the Shred as well, however, I replaced it with 45 minutes of bellydancing, and at least 40 minutes of some Carmen Electra cardio strip love. Funny enough both of these would have had me huffing and puffing and dripping sweat months ago, last night I just got a nice toasty warm feeling. They're not even close to the intensity of the Shred which makes me like the Shred even more because I know my body needs it...but now I'm going to be on the hunt for more Jillian vids and Biggest Loser type vids. As much as I love Miss Carmen...she just ain't doin me the way she used to.

Christmas shopping is nearly done. Of course we've already gone over budget, finances would give me a heart attack and make sure I didn't gain a pound as I'd be too scared to eat due to massive amounts of nausea, if I let it of course. This year the holidays have hit me harder than I can remember. I'm aching for my family back in the States. I love my hubby's family, but it's never the same, and they don't fill my soul the way my family does.

I'm looking forward to January! On the weekend of the fifteenth I'll be working a few hours for a couple days at the Edmonton Bike Show. I told hubby that if it were possible I'd work only shows and I'd love it, but there's an atmosphere at a show that could never ever compare to standing behind a till, and in order to work these shows as I know them I'd have to be standing behind that till fairly regularly. So nope. He was great though, he said if I wanted to travel all over Canada and the US and be a major rep for a bike he'd totally support me, but I can't do that either. I have a little boy, he needs his mum, and I need him. But it really did make me feel wonderful to hear that.

I don't know if I'll be posting again before Christmas, if I don't, I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and an amazing New Year!

Update

Since I've been away from the comp I've missed exactly one day of my shred so today marks day 15 for me. I missed because I've developed an ear infection that has left me half deaf in one ear (but may or may not recover hearing) and the day after I saw the doc I didn't get off the couch other than to pee or go to bed.

I fought myself to shred today.

I have been riding a low for sometime now, tried to pull out of it but it never lasts, today I feel like I've nearly hit bottom.

I won't bore you all with the details. Just know that I miss the positivity of the blogger community.

Day 7 level 2

Oi. Good times I tell ya! Level two was definitely more challenging but I soooo need it after the extra easy time of level one. I'm now dripping sweat again and it feels great!

I've got a week off of work so blah...e-mail me people and keep me company!

Self love:



Yes I did just post a pic of my ass.

Look at that curve baby!

Days 5 and 6

Shred completed for both days (woot) tomorrow I start level 2! Wish me luck y'all!

Yesterday was a very very slow day at work. Then when the munchkin got home he was crying and running a very obvious fever, coughed like a 4 pack a day smoker, and was so unbelievably lethargic. Off to the doc we went. 2 1/2 hours and a missed nail appt later and we were handed some antibiotics to treat a viral infection. I know I know, they won't do dick all for what's ailing him, but apparently it may keep any bacterial infection from forming while his immune system is compromised. Let's just say I was not impressed with this foreign doctor. And that's me saying it nicely.

Today I was supposed to head to Shopper's and get pics copied and stamps for Christmas cards etc etc...well with Tony sick it didn't happen. So I have to attempt again tomorrow. And do laundry because I bailed on that today and instead made scrumptious choco chip cookies. Don't worry, I didn't eat them all.

This morning's WI brought 2 lbs back onto my fatty mcfatterson body. Not impressed. The only reason I'm not giving Jillian a big fat fuck you and tossing the vid into the trash is because I'm in this with Tammy. Seriously. Jillian you're lucky you've got Tammy to back you up otherwise I'd break your skinny ass like a twig. For real.

Fuck it, it's day 4

Shredded a bit late today. The kidlet had only a half day so I let myself sleep a bit more and got the Shred in after he'd left for school. I want to clarify for y'all, I DO eat breakfast! Just not before I workout.

I'm getting very annoyed with my body. Thus far my daily WI is showing a 1.3 lb gain. Not happy.

Level one is getting too easy, I'll be bumping up to level two by Monday at the latest.

Self love...well hubster still didn't upload pics so I'll share an old one:



Yes I love my shoes. They are sexy shoes, but that's not what I'm lovin at the moment. Check out my ankles. I know that's a wierd thing to say...ankles...but really. I've always been big, but my ankles never have been. The only time I experienced the pain of cankles was when I was pregnant. Otherwise I've always had strong but slender, sexy beautiful ankles. I heart them.

Shred day 2

Does anyone else know how awkward working out while wearing a thong is?

Next time I vote commando.

Also, I hate making breakfast. That's right. The fat girl doesn't want to eat in the morning.

Shred off Day 1 (or 2?)

Alright dudes and dudettes, I completed today's Shred without feeling like I was going to go to the dark side, woohoo! I actually felt pretty good after today's shred, and had a nice bowl of oatmeal after my workout. Cam you asked if I eat before my workout, I do not. I can't eat before a workout. I know I know it's not the best idea in the world but I know if I don't get up and get my workout done...it WILL NOT get done at all. So I just do it yo. Then I eat.

I've been setting the alarm for 4:30 am hoping that I can snooze my way to getting up at 5 am. I'm still averaging about 5:15 that I start my workout and that's just too damn late. I hate rushing to get lunches made and get my shower in and get ready for work and all that shit, and it seems like I get frantic doing that after my workout.

So, no body love pics as of yet, although maybe through my most recent progress pics taken this morning I can just pick something out of them. I need to get on it yo! And my hubby dearest needs to get the damn necropsy pictures off my camera. I'd have been more apt to take tons of self love pics and pic from any one of them but with the necro pics there's no way dude. I don't want to see froggy innards. The only reason I took the damn progress pics was because I told Tammy it's the easiest way to SEE the results...and it's true!

So to reveal my horrible disgusting befores:





Ok...nope. There's nothin I can do to pull some positive out of those pics. And I swear if you judge me I will find you and break your damn nose.

Now for more ugliness...my measurements:

Arm: 14 3/4
Chest: 42 1/4
Waist: 39 1/4
Hip: 52 (I think I'm going to puke)
Thigh: 26 1/2
Calf: 16

There it is, all my shame in all its fatty glory. Jillian better kick my ass this month.

Until next time...