Up in three hours

I have been shit for a blogger.

Now it's ten to midnight, I need to be up in three hours to finish my packing, grab an eat, and get to the airport.

I can't sleep. I'm going to miss my son. I already feel like a limb was cut off and I am not looking forward to hugging him goodbye at the airport tomorrow. I'm not used to leaving him. This is killing me. I feel so sick.

Then my head likes to fuck with me. Awesome imagination has me dying on the airplane, or my hubby and son dying while I'm gone. Where the fuck do I come up with this?! I'm not afraid of flying...I'm afraid of dying. And this always happens before I have a flight out. Just never this bad, and I think it has to do with not taking Tony with me.

Fuck'n fuck y'all.

Missing the pit...

To get it out of the way, no I have not worked out, in fact I doubt if I will at all this week. And right now, don't care. It sucks, and yes I know I'm setting myself back, I'll get back to it when I'm out of my funk.

Onto the pit!

Last night I went to see Airbourne, The Joe Perry Project, and Motley Crue. I loved both the Crue and Airbourne, I was very very unimpressed with JPP. But good lord ladies...oh the hair, and the leather, and the man hips just a movin...yum. Add to it that I only now discovered that Tommy Lee plays piano (yeah I know, I'm not all that observant), he's a new crush. I can't help myself. I adore piano players.

Because these tix to see the Crue were a very last minute Christmas present from the hub we got stuck with nosebleeds. Decent ones mind you, we could actually see the band...they were the height of my son's GI Joes...but still, we could see them. It was probably better that I wasn't down where I belong though, because oh yes, the pit IS where I belong. I'm pretty sure I've been sportin a slight fever the past couple days, which would explain my insane need for sleep, my throat's been raw and I know it's no longer because the amount of cigarettes I've smoked, I'm out of denial, I'm sick. Damn it.

Either way, while I sat up in my nosebleeds (because I felt faint so was lame and sat), I stared down over the standing floor area. That fenced off area right by the stage, close enough for the spit showers. I could close my eyes and feel it, experience it...and fuck me did I miss it. I can't even explain every feeling, imagine the scent of sex, sweat, booze, excitement, anger, love, fear...feeling the bass and drums thump through your body, nearly stopping and restarting your heart to its rhythm, the wet hard bodies surrounding you, pushing you, screaming with you, dancing, fighting, aching to get closer to those that we idolize and adore. Oh and fuck if you actually get to meet the band, lucky enough to follow them back to their hotel (yes I have...semi local ish bands...no one big unfortunately, but one day, oh one day, I will have my Sully).

As I was sitting in row 233 next to a camo wearin pot smokin lame-o tryin to be a badass...I realized how old I am. Fuck. I'm a mom now, I can't even afford the fucking tickets to hit the floor and elbow my way up to the fence. No more ogling band members and those sexy ass serious faced rent a cops. Some of them could have patted me down anyday.

One day though, I'm going to treat myself. And I will be right there. Making fuck me eyes to the vocalist, guitarist, bassist, drummer...because that's how you end up in the good places, and get the best pictures. Yeah I know, blah blah, I'm married. My hubby knew all this about me before we got together. He knows nothing actually happens...but that doesn't mean I won't play up my "assets" to get what I want. I'm a dirty girl.

And I say all this as I sit at my comp in a hoodie and jeans, hair tied up in a pony, kidlet playin with his GI Joe planes...yeah...dirty girl. Le fucking sigh.

Emotional

I wish I could explain this without feeling like a complete tool. I don't even have hormones to blame it on. The past few days have been tearful and exhausting, this morning started off with a grand fight. I just don't want to do anything. Not a fucking thing. I want to sit on the couch, that's all.

I know I should work out, I think I'll do the laundry instead.

I'm getting to a point where I kind of want to give up on this whole blogging thing. I'm turning into one of those people that I hate, and I do not like sharing that with the world.

Manic Monday

I...am....pooped.

I haven't read all of the blogs, I doubt I will, I've read some and commented where I felt the need to, but from here on out it's fresh with blogs. I just can't keep sitting here and going back.

The weekend was good! Mostly. Worked long days with my favorite ex manager, no really, I adore her, and even hit the bar Saturday night for a three hour, 9 ounce bender. Oh yeah, I was hammered. Good times! Had issues with the gal that was sent to "help" us out at the show. Colleen and I work best under pressure, shows are the biggest pressure, this girl kept stepping on our toes, Colleen and I are very much alike. We were ready to snap, and she was sent home early on the "it's pretty slow" basis both days she worked.

Had lots and lots of eye candy. Tattooed bald delish yummy bikers. I'm still drooling. Food was...well concession food. I honestly didn't eat much of anything while I was there, but what I did eat, with the exception of the nice little vendor lunch the agri centre laid out on Sunday, was shit. On Sunday I saw the salads and sandwiches and was never so happy to see a carrot stick in my life. It felt soooo good to eat some real food. Unfortunately the little amount of food I ate over the weekend already has me pegged back up to where I was, what the hell! Literally my days were breakfast: small blueberry muffin, lunch: smokie (sausagey type thing for all my 'merican's), dinner: smokie or slice of pizza.

I need to relax. Seriously so tired. I'd also told Ian to be there to pick Colleen and I up at 7 instead of 8 when we were scheduled to be done. Takedown went great and we ended up being finished at 6, when Ian decided to leave Edmonton. Which left Colleen and I sitting around until 8 pm. We were not happy girls.

Then this morning Ian tells me that the receipts I need to drop off, and the email I need to send to head office about my pay....well I have to bus it to the mall and back (2 hours each way), in the time Tony's at school. Ian also let me sleep until 7:30 am. So basically I woke up, threw on some clothes, started a pot of coffee, didn't get any coffee or breakfast, then had to hop on the bus to hit the mall. No coffee, no food, and 6 cigarettes later, I was vibrating and so angry.

Luckily my little Brett, a guy that worked with me at the shop, offered me a ride home. I bought him, and myself, a delish chicken caesar crepe. He made me smile again.

Now it's not even 8 pm. I'm sore, tired, my throat hurts from all the smoking...I'm ready for bed. I leave for Wisconsin in exactly a week. I'm excited, but already dreading the flight.

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

oy

The past four days has been crazy. I'm tired, burnt out, and so ready to relax. I'm going to try to catch up on blogs soon, but I promise nothing. I might just start reading from today. I'll update y'all soon with how my weekend went!

Quick update before I go!

The scale's whorriness was stowed today as it gave me a 3 lbs loss. Haven't seen these numbers since before October people!

Away

I'm going to be away y'all until Sunday night. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday will be three long, grueling, wonderful hours selling gear to (hopefully) some eye candy type bikers! I'm estimating at least 30 hours this weekend, it's going to be great! There's my spending money for my trip back to WI to see my sis!

As I'll be out of town there will be no access to my blog and e-mail. Those of you that can hit me up on facebook or text! Also, no scales at the hotel so I'll be weighing in tomorrow. Hopped on this morning for a cheat peek and saw I'm down 2.6 lbs! Let's home that stays, maybe I'll even drop more, these are numbers I haven't seen since before my last trip home in October!

Speaking of home, it still feels so surreal that I'm going, it's all happening so fast. The closer it gets (10 more days), the more excited I am. I know it's all bittersweet, it's not ideal reasons I'm going home, but I can't help but be excited I'm going to see everyone again. This last holiday was very very tough for me, being away from the fam. And then I guess it kind of hits me that my baby won't be with me. This will be the first time I've taken a trip away from him for more than a couple days. I'm going to miss him sooo much! It's got me teary eyed just thinking about it. I'm going to miss my husband too, of course, that first night alone in bed is always a killer. I'm excited at the aspect of having a solo trip, just me, no worries...but I already miss my son, and the bugger's layin on the couch behind me!

Anyway, this is more than I wanted to get into, just wanted to give a heads up, I'm not disappearing, I'm just disappearing for a few days. Know what I'm sayin? Update on Monday!