Loss

This is not a loss I wanted, nor one I have looked forward to. My cousin overdosed yesterday. Tomorrow would have been her 42nd birthday. My mother is beside herself. Melody was one of my best friends growing up. Now she's gone, I'm here, my mother's there, Melody's daughter is at her uncle's...I miss her. I'm angry, but god do I miss her.

No news is good news?

Sometimes.

On Saturday I finally saw a change in my stagnant weight. Dun dun duuuuuuuuun...a drop of 2.2 lbs, what?! Hells yeah bitches! I've worked out so many days in a row now, I don't remember the last day that I didn't do something at all. Even if it's just a walk, or the lower intensity tae boxing, it's something!

And then, I had a rough day. Yeah today I got to go to the lady doctor. I know it's only once a year, blah blah blah suck it up buttercup, but these visits are always traumatic for me. It isn't just the uncomfortability and pain for me, it's the passing of the personal bubble. I've been sexually assaulted twice, raped once (and boy is that still hard for me to even admit or recognize), since I was 13. Since I need birth control I need to see the lady doctor, or she'd refuse and I'd be poppin out kidlets left right and center...no thanks! Either way, I nearly work myself into a right panic/anxiety attack once the clothes are shed and I'm sittin bare assed waiting for the doc to come in. I always make the procedure worse than it needs to be.

Anyway...because of this I immediately went to the store after the appt, because oh how convenient it happened right around lunch time. I got pizza (at 6 pieces...yeah), donuts (one of those thank you), and a very small cheesecake that I split with hubster. My stomach is still sticking out and hurting. I deserve the pain. Seriously...where's my helmet baby cuz there's windows need lickin'!

Let's hope this doesn't completely destroy my week. Dinner? Cottage cheese and toast. Super light. Oh yes.

Hey where'd that crazy bitch go?

I'm right here! Seriously I am. And I'm still workin on it. Eating hasn't been perfect but then neither am I. However, I've been working out. Jillian and I have been Shredding so I'm pretty happy with that. It feels good! I've been getting rather restless just sitting on my fat ass so when I say it feels good, I truly mean it. I'm a bit sore in some spots, but certainly not enough to keep me from working out the next day, which is a NEW feeling for me!

A few positively awesome things have happened in the past couple weeks. I won a $250 gift cert to an interior store (I never win cool shit like that!), I got a $25 gift cert to Addition-elle which came at the perfect time because I also FINALLY got myself a job!!! I will be working as a teller for CIBC, training starts on the 12th of April which is also lucky because my son's spring break is next week and I just can't find the money for daycare for that with this check. Oh, and the Addition-elle gc...the awesomeness is because I've worked at a biker store for so long, and then before that a saddlery and tack shop...I've got ZERO professional type clothing!!!! So, shopping with my dear SIL on the 10th!

Saturday's weigh in finally brought a change. A gain of 0.2 lbs. That's nothing as far as I'm concerned so I'm still considering it a maintenance. No I do not want to maintain, but hubby promised that as soon as the money starts coming in and we get some debt paid I can get back on WW. But I'm also hoping that I can keep myself on track and won't have to do it. I like knowing it's an option though. So far this week though I'm already down 2 lbs!!!! Let's hope I can and WILL keep my shit together so I keep seeing drops in the weight!!!

Static

For the third week straight I have weighed in at the same weight. Hey man, better than gaining!

Also I got a wicked sweet award from Kat, but I haven't gotten around to putting it up. I told her I'd make it a gooder so it's going to be a bit yet. Maybe while I'm baking my kidlet's school cupcakes for his birthday! But I had to throw a shout out. Figgered it was time lol.

Also, she kicks ass because she throws jelly beans at bad drivers. And is sending me salty chocolate sin in the form of chex mix. And she makes me giggle with her stories of "The Boy" and her daily life. I'm tellin ya, get over to her blog and laugh!

Phone interview

So I finally got a call!

It was a phone interview with Jenny Craig of all things.

Considering I have zero nutrition education I probably won't get the job, but boy would that be sweet! Seriously, discount on JC as well? I'd give it a go!

Wish me luck!

Figgered I should update...

My pants are getting tighter.

I wake up with good intentions. Small breakfast, small lunch. Then snacking, all day. I ate half a dozen triple chocolate cookies today. And nachos. I'm fucking stupid.

It would appear that I've given up. I haven't. Doesn't mean that I'm really trying my hardest though. Doesn't mean I'm not trying at all either.

On the plus side I've started working out again. On the negative, it's barely there intensity.

Why am I doing all the shit I know I shouldn't be? Why am I not doing the shit I know I should? I mean really, I looked at the cookies as I was putting them into my mouth and completely berated myself. Did it stop me? Nope.

What the hell.

I'M A FREAKIN AUNTIE AGAIN!!!

If you couldn't tell by this post's title, I'm slightly excited. Super bummed I'm not in the same country to be able to meet my little nephew but oi...I'm so proud of my baby brother!