Minus 2

And no I do not mean pounds. It appears in my downside I've lost two followers. To that I say...fuck, whatever. I started this blog for me. I didn't search for others to follow and comment, I searched for others to inspire me, and for which I could comment and encourage them. I'll admit seeing the follower number drop it stings a bit, but only for a second, because this was never about anyone else.

I hope today finds you all well, and finds me less stuffing of face.

shame

Since Tuesday morning I have polished off 9 chocolate covered cherries, two bags of chocolate turtle chex mix, 1 bag of baked tostitos, a cinnamon roll...a big one, and this is just the snackies. Some of the snackies. I know there were more. Tons of string cheese.

I'm going to weigh in on Saturday and I'll be surprised if I don't see a 7 lbs gain since my last weigh in. I will be surprised, and damn lucky. I need to stop this shit. I don't know how I ended up back here. I DO NOT WANT TO BE 285 LBS AGAIN!!!

Can I get a refund?

So yesterday I was all, can't wait to get back to blogging, I've got goals again, got motivation, I'm ready to rock this shit.

And then I got sham wowed by a shit ton of bricks. And they weren't all amazing and cool like the actual sham wow.

I was up until midnight crying. I woke up nearly in tears. I've spent my day not wanting to eat and then having a bite and pretty well binging. I hate that I'm an emotional eater. I hate that I'm emotional. Can I just be dead inside? Will that work?

I want to eat everything, but I don't want to eat at all. I want to do some retail therapy but am so far in debt and so low on cash I wouldn't be able to do it at the dollar store.

Truly what I want to do is go back home. I miss being happy. I miss smiling and laughing. I need a hug. A real one. I need a hug that squeezes and comforts and pulls all the pain out.

I'll probably be back at some point, maybe even post some of those pics from the happy trip....however...I can't say when. It was hard enough for me to write this. I'm isolating again. Trust me, it's better for all of you.

Best of luck and hope your lives are going better than mine!

Hello?

Anybody out there still? Anyone remember who I am?

I'm back!!!! I've been a horrible holiday blogger, both reading and posting, but I'm here now, and ready to get back into the groove of things....mostly. I hate Canada.

Will post a good'n later!

Eventually I'll catch up

For now though I'm happy to say I finally made it into Wisconsin...at 11 pm. Yeah...that three hour layover in Minneapolis turned into two...then to eight. I didn't get to bed until 2 am when we finally drove up to the house in Merrill. Needless to say being awake for 40 some odd hours and gettin gut rot from espresso and red bull...but meeting some wicked people at the airport...it was a loooong fucking day yesterday.

Hope you're all well!

It's gonna be a long fucking day...

Finally tried to get to bed at midnight, not ten minutes later Tony's up and puking. Then puked about every 45 min- 1 hour there after. No sleep for me.

Fuckity.

Up in three hours

I have been shit for a blogger.

Now it's ten to midnight, I need to be up in three hours to finish my packing, grab an eat, and get to the airport.

I can't sleep. I'm going to miss my son. I already feel like a limb was cut off and I am not looking forward to hugging him goodbye at the airport tomorrow. I'm not used to leaving him. This is killing me. I feel so sick.

Then my head likes to fuck with me. Awesome imagination has me dying on the airplane, or my hubby and son dying while I'm gone. Where the fuck do I come up with this?! I'm not afraid of flying...I'm afraid of dying. And this always happens before I have a flight out. Just never this bad, and I think it has to do with not taking Tony with me.

Fuck'n fuck y'all.